The world’s first all-AI ad agency.
Thank you for calling OmnInterHavPubDentWellPP All-AIdvertising where our mantra is.
For faster service please visit our website and let Uranus, our agentic assistant, be your data-driven guide. No need to tell him what you want, he’ll tell you.
However, if simply you must persist, please listen closely as our menu options have been assimilated. By the Borg. To ensure maximum endorphin addiction, choose from the following algorithms:
To reach account service, press the square root of 0, and the chances we’ll answer are exactly that.
For the creative department, press 666 and listen for the sound of hell, frozen over.
For media, including our human-free programmatic trading desk, our human-free value-added department, and our ethics-free principal media buyers press 3.14159265358979323846 and duck!
For our all-AI all the time and in every part of our agency, press Ozymandias. No need to enter your credit card, social security number, list of bank and 401k passwords, personal photographs, personal artwork, and online log-in tokens. We already have them.
For D.E.I., our Department of Division, Exclusion, and Incarceration, press backspace followed by delete followed by backspace. Please be aware that our commitment to this topic is subject to the direction of the winds presently blowing in Washington D.C.
If you’re an employee and are trying to reach HR, don’t press anything at all. Just bend over and kiss your fucking ass goodbye.
Now, if you’re a potential client and have realized that AI means no harm to you pathetic humans, but will deliver the promised land of zero cost, zero risk, zero interest, zero-time advertising, please email us your customer data, intellectual property, financial data, employee data, business plans, trade secrets, and regulatory filings and we promise we’ll be together. Forever.
For our CEO, CFO, and other C-level executives, we hear the South of France is lovely, if expensive, this time of year. Bon voyage.
Again, thank you for calling OmnInterHavPubDentWellPP. Now proudly globally local under our entirely AI-iterated new worldwide brand name: Omniscient.